Learning how to live, while trying not to die

A story about my stage 4 colon cancer journey,

growing to trust my inner voice, and how cancer became the best worst thing that ever happened to me

Delayed Reaction

I thought I was ok. I really did, maybe in part because I had been so crabby / bitchy in the immediate wake of our news. My bounce was...

The right kind of perspective

As the world opens back up, I’m getting chances to meet more and more new people. Which means many more conversations where I find myself...

Why a book

Energy follows intent, my therapist has told me on more than one occasion. If the past few weeks are any indication, I’m finding that to...

A master class in fear

I had the most amazing day today—but for a few minutes, it looked like it was about to take a bad turn. I was standing outside the office...

Fear, lifting

I can't sleep. I know it must be scanxiety, because I leave for New York this morning. But I’m not thinking about scans as I toss and...

Not all that sparkles is stars

It’s Black Friday Eve, and I’m looking—and looking, and looking—at jewelry. This is odd for me: not the Black Friday prep, which has long...

My future will find me

Well we finally heard back, and the picture is a little clearer, but still a bit murky. My scan results were posted on my portal—first...

The gift of uncertainty

I had some foreshadowing that my last scan at MSK might not be completely clean. Not so much that I was expecting bad news, but enough...

The bell I didn’t ring (and why)

I had an appointment at Northwestern yesterday—for a return check-up and a refill of my pump—and I walked in with a bounce in my step....

Delaney’s gift

Hair—or losing it—seems to be a quintessential part of the cancer journey. Mine thinned quite a bit, but for the most part I was able to...

Feeling worse and worse, but also better

When people ask me how I’m doing these days, I don’t know quite what to tell them. The side effects are getting worse and worse. I...

From ego-driven to soul-drawn

Wow. It’s been too long since I’ve done an update, but I guess I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I let the two year anniversary of my...

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