Learning how to live, while trying not to die

A story about my stage 4 colon cancer journey,

growing to trust my inner voice, and how cancer became the best worst thing that ever happened to me

Jul 16, 20223 min read

How to Norway

On a window ledge in our kitchen is a collection of rocks. It started with one, then I noticed another, and suddenly they covered half...

Jul 9, 20224 min read

Highland Park

I spent the morning of July 4th in Oslo, at the Munch Museum. After several hours, as we were preparing to leave, Delaney reminded me...

Jul 3, 20225 min read

Delayed Reaction

I thought I was ok. I really did, maybe in part because I had been so crabby / bitchy in the immediate wake of our news. My bounce was...

Jun 1, 20223 min read

The right kind of perspective

As the world opens back up, I’m getting chances to meet more and more new people. Which means many more conversations where I find myself...

May 19, 20223 min read

Why a book

Energy follows intent, my therapist has told me on more than one occasion. If the past few weeks are any indication, I’m finding that to...

Apr 22, 20224 min read

A master class in fear

I had the most amazing day today—but for a few minutes, it looked like it was about to take a bad turn. I was standing outside the office...

Mar 29, 20224 min read

Fear, lifting

I can't sleep. I know it must be scanxiety, because I leave for New York this morning. But I’m not thinking about scans as I toss and...

Nov 28, 20213 min read

Not all that sparkles is stars

It’s Black Friday Eve, and I’m looking—and looking, and looking—at jewelry. This is odd for me: not the Black Friday prep, which has long...

Jun 19, 20213 min read

My future will find me

Well we finally heard back, and the picture is a little clearer, but still a bit murky. My scan results were posted on my portal—first...

Apr 8, 20214 min read

The gift of uncertainty

I had some foreshadowing that my last scan at MSK might not be completely clean. Not so much that I was expecting bad news, but enough...

Feb 2, 20214 min read

The bell I didn’t ring (and why)

I had an appointment at Northwestern yesterday—for a return check-up and a refill of my pump—and I walked in with a bounce in my step....

Jan 30, 20212 min read

Delaney’s gift

Hair—or losing it—seems to be a quintessential part of the cancer journey. Mine thinned quite a bit, but for the most part I was able to...