Learning how to live, while trying not to die

A story about my stage 4 colon cancer journey,

growing to trust my inner voice, and how cancer became the best worst thing that ever happened to me

Warrior vs Withdraw

Delaney brought me back a coaster from the trip she and Jack took with their dad. It reads: inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit....

Optimistic AF

I’ve never been much of a Fuck Cancer type – but almost four years in, I can certainly say I understand the urge better now than I did...

A master class in fear

I had the most amazing day today—but for a few minutes, it looked like it was about to take a bad turn. I was standing outside the office...

Fear, lifting

I can't sleep. I know it must be scanxiety, because I leave for New York this morning. But I’m not thinking about scans as I toss and...

The gift of uncertainty

I had some foreshadowing that my last scan at MSK might not be completely clean. Not so much that I was expecting bad news, but enough...

Delaney’s gift

Hair—or losing it—seems to be a quintessential part of the cancer journey. Mine thinned quite a bit, but for the most part I was able to...

From ego-driven to soul-drawn

Wow. It’s been too long since I’ve done an update, but I guess I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I let the two year anniversary of my...

Accidental advocates

I was back at MSK yesterday for chemo #18. My liver enzymes are creeping up, but Dr Kemeny watches them carefully, and I was relieved...

The earliest signs

I’m quickly approaching the one year anniversary of my diagnosis, and with all the annual events that mark the start of the school year,...

A turning point in my journey

A few weeks ago, I walked into my therapy session and spent approximately 56 minutes talking about nothing important. On minute 57, I...

The power of interdependence

One of the mantras I adopted shortly after I started treatment was related to my decision to keep working: On my good days, I'll give...

What cancer gives you

The first thing they do when you show up for chemotherapy is have you step on a scale. Today was the beginning of Gina's 4th round of...

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