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Terrible surprises

Ah, cancer. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Per and I went to New York on Sunday to prepare for my second pump fill today. The pump chemo didn’t have any side effects on my first cycle, so I was anxiously awaiting another side-effect-free two weeks!

(You already know where this is going, right?)

Terrible surprise #1—we thought I was alternating pump and systemic chemo every two weeks. Sadly, we misunderstood. My first cycle was pump-only just to see how I would respond—but moving forward I’ll have systemic chemo every two weeks and pump chemo once every four.

Terrible surprise #2—my liver enzymes were too elevated to have pump chemo today. So I am getting systemic only today—and have to come back to NY in two weeks for a second attempt at the pump.

Terrible surprise #3—the blood thinner shots I thought I was taking for just 30 days post-surgery—I need to take indefinitely. I guess I should get used to my bruised belly. On the plus side, I can keep bribing the twins to get ready for bed quickly so they can see me do it.

Ok, well. It’s not a straight line, and today is another reminder I just have to stay chill and go with the flow.

I mean, sigh.

But, yeah, OK, fine—time to reorient. We can deal with this.

I pushed my 5:30 flight to 8:30 to accommodate the infusion, and our amazing babysitter said she was happy to stay late. I got upgraded on the 8:30, and while I can’t have any wine, hopefully they will have a cheese plate for me. (Failing that, I have six Ess-a-bagels in my carry-on: which should hold me over until my next trip to NY, given that it is happening in just two weeks!)

I’m still hoping that the side effects of systemic-plus-pump chemo will be easier to manage than systemic only. I guess I’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, I know what to expect this week and can brace myself for a tough Wednesday and Thursday—and Per comes home late Wednesday night, so I won’t have to deal with the worst of it on my own. And I still feel incredibly lucky to have this medical care, including an oncologist who is watching my levels like a hawk to be sure that everything moves forward safely.

I’m trying not to think too much about whether the chemo is working well enough to allow liver surgery this summer, but it’s always back of mind. So if you have some stars to spare, please send them in our direction!

Meantime, if you need me, I’ll just be over here, going with the flow.

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