Learning how to live, while trying not to die

A story about my stage 4 colon cancer journey,

growing to trust my inner voice, and how cancer became the best worst thing that ever happened to me

Feeling worse and worse, but also better

When people ask me how I’m doing these days, I don’t know quite what to tell them. The side effects are getting worse and worse. I...

Dec 11, 20203 min read

This week has been a little harried—I had to do a scan on Monday morning, then learned late Tuesday night that they hadn’t done it...

Oct 22, 20201 min read

Delaney asked me not to kiss her tonight. She explained that my face was too scratchy. Between the dryness and the Vectibix-driven facial...

Oct 12, 20203 min read

Wow. It’s been too long since I’ve done an update, but I guess I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I let the two year anniversary of my...

Sep 25, 20202 min read

“My hope is to keep you alive for one to two years.” When Gina was first diagnosed, we met with the leading oncologist specializing in...

Sep 10, 20201 min read

I’ve mentioned to a few people that my weight is plummeting (or maybe it’s just that my neck looks extra thin on Zoom), and wow—people...

Aug 3, 20202 min read

On my way out of chemo today, a woman on the elevator was semi-alarmed to see me enter with my external chemo pump and my mask. To...

Jul 7, 20201 min read

I keep buying memoirs. Reading the story of others with cancer. I relate to them fully; they make me laugh in recognition—and cry, tears...

Jun 21, 20202 min read

Waiting to hear back on scan results is the worst—and this time it took longer than most—but we finally had a tele-health conference with...

Jun 14, 20202 min read

For a Friend on the Arrival of Illness by John O'Donohue Now is the time of dark invitation Beyond a frontier you did not expect;...

May 19, 20202 min read

Hi there! Checking in toward the back part of my first cycle back with a mostly positive report. It was weird to be going back into...

Apr 25, 20203 min read

“I heard back from Dr Kemeny. She agrees that the lesions in the liver are new activity and that you should start treatment.” “Ok,” I...

Apr 12, 20203 min read